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My life is brilliant! I am a 36 year old female, single and childless. I like nothing, I expect nothing. Recently I just found a new job. It's a good job (salary, benefits, incentives, worth it). It's starting to bother me now (colleague jealousy, slander, cliques). I quit my previous job because I was burnt out. The previous job was hard, poorly paid and not very rewarding. But I feel that the colleagues are very cohesive. I feel some support. I don't have one now. It's hard, especially when I get home and there's no one to talk to. My friend offers no support whatsoever. In my previous job I had 'workable' hours. Our time is just right to spend together. I have time to plan our dates (meals, entertainment, etc.) and now we (my boyfriend and I) have different work schedules. He wanted to meet at the same time as before, however that affected my time. I hope we can reach a middle ground. I work weekends and he doesn't. So I thought we could spend a few weeknights and a few weekends together. He doesn't want to sacrifice. It's pretty selfish of me. I'm starting to lose interest. I do not care about it anymore. People I try to be friends with only show interest when it's good for them. The same goes for my family. Holidays don't interest me. I plan to work during the holidays to avoid "cheats". Every Christmas I go broke buying gifts for people who don't appreciate them. I've had other men come to me. I considered their progress, taking into account my current situation. Knowing they were interested calmed my ego. However, I do nothing. Maybe I'm a single girl. Maybe I just want to maintain the status quo. Maybe, since I got hurt, I don't trust anyone anymore. Maybe I don't care.
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- "Annie" is the pseudonym of the person writing this relationship advice column.
- "Anne" based her answers on her personal experience, not professional training or knowledge. She does not present herself as a psychologist, therapist, counselor or any professional help. Her answers are only given from a friend's or mentor's perspective.
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- Always consult your therapist, doctor or psychiatrist before changing any aspect of your treatment plan. Do not stop taking your medicine or change its dose without first talking to your doctor.
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answer:
It is very important that the customer pays attention to the grease treatment process. Allow others to accept flattery, and let them flee with painful desires.
I read your letter and a few things came to mind. First of all, you look depressed. Uh-uh! You may be thinking, "I don't need you to tell me this." That's not a problem if that's what you think, though, because it brings me to my next point, which is that it seems like you're dealing with depression by pretending you don't care when, in reality, you clearly do. You didn't actually use that phrase in your letter, but all I hear you say is, "Whatever!" That word and attitude probably reflect your feelings. But really, if you were really bored and didn't care about your quality of life, you wouldn't be writing this letter. So maybe there is a gap between what you think and what you feel. The third thing I noticed is that you've been experiencing a lot of big changes in your life lately that have forced you to rearrange your schedule, adding even more tension to your life, like a pile of dominoes falling. You mourn the loss of a co-worker in your previous job, even though you're glad to be able to leave that "tiring" job. It seems that the new place should be a better environment for you, but it is also cold and you have not made any new friends. You feel unsupported and alone, not alone in your work environment. You'll also find that other people in your life—people you feel you can trust and care about—are hesitant to meet you halfway when they need to. It's a stressful time in your life and you're dealing with it with a depressed and cynical attitude, that's the best I can come up with on this. The question that comes to my mind is, "How does this pose work for you?"
You need support in your life, and if you can't get support from your boyfriend, other friends, and family, get it some other way. For some consultations, make an appointment with a professional therapist. A counselor or therapist should be able to provide you with a safe and understanding place where you can let go of your guard, vent, and cry. Some counselors can also help you cope better with depressed feelings and thoughts. The best forms of psychotherapy currently available to treat depression are called "cognitive behavioral therapy" and "interpersonal relationship therapy," so be sure to ask what these are called. If your confidant does not know what these terms mean, find another confidant.
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Another way to get support is to talk to your regular doctor, describe your stress, and ask if you should take antidepressants. The drug does help, but it also has side effects, including sexual side effects — it can make it more difficult to reach orgasm — so you might want to think about that before heading that way.
I also recommend vigorous exercise as a good antidote to your gloomy mood. Studies show that regular, vigorous exercise has significant antidepressant effects and is good for you too, with no side effects.
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The relationships you find yourself in change (or don't, as the case may be) and that is a source of stress. Relationships are living things that cannot be taken for granted. If your needs change and your boyfriend is unwilling to accommodate these changing needs, it could be a sign that something is wrong in your relationship. When you're ready, you should address that possibility. There are several ways in which this process can be accomplished, but they all involve communication. You must firmly tell your friend to meet you halfway, help you deal with the changes you are going through or there will be consequences. Before you can make this announcement (note: this is not an ultimatum), you must first feel more confident. Saying it when you're feeling down is passive, and saying it when you're angry is aggressive. You need to be clear about the fact that you don't need this person to survive, but you may prefer to be with them if possible before having a constructive conversation with them. If you're both open to getting involved in this kind of thing, couples counseling can help you talk about it.
Anyway, these are my thoughts on your situation. The only guarantee in life is that things will change. With your circumstances changing, you need to find a way to surf the tide of the change, as the alternative is to "fall into the water" and risk "drowning" (e.g. feeling depressed and paralyzed). The Mental Help Web has great resources to help you practice your surfing skills.This section of the self-help book Mental Self Tools discusses assertive communication. itEmotional resilienceTopic centers discuss how people learn to be more reliable in the face of change. Good luck! !
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-ask anna
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